Men will not MAKE you happy

I walked into a classroom at lunchtime yesterday where some of my girl students were hanging out and watching videos.  All of them were transfixed, singing along to some R&B love jam (a woman singing about how much she loved her man) and clearly in some far off fantasy land.

I rolled my eyes. So did all the other grown women in the room. As one of them said best, "Love is HIGHLY overrated."

Now let me be clear. I'm not an "I don't need a man!" woman. In fact, I really value men as protectors, providers, problem solvers and sources of endless entertainment. Sources of happiness, though? Come on. Not so much.

It's almost a cruel joke what I see playing out in front of my eyes. These 12-year-old girls pour practically all of their life energy into the dream of some fantastical, magical love. I want to shake them and say that at best it will result in about a tenth of your life spent picking up dirty socks, at worst it will result in you as a single mom bawling in the parking lot as you drop your 8-week-old infant off at daycare. At best a lot of nights alone because he's working late; at worst asking your parents for money because he's unemployed again.  At best a life where you find your husband attractive, you really do, but you spend more time than you should flirting with the cashier at Whole Foods; at worst, some emotional roller coaster where you're constantly hacking into his email account and checking his pockets.

Do I think men are bad? No. Do I think they are human beings who are by nature complex, difficult, subject to whim, and full of baggage? Absolutely. Do your best to find a good one. Build a life around him. But, for goodness sake, don't expect him to be the source of your happiness. Human beings disappoint each other. That's kind of our thing. So agreeing to only be happy when they do what you want them to do and miserable when they don't guarantees you a steady diet of disappointment. And a steady diet of disappointment is bad for your heart, your temperament, your waistline and your skin.

Basically I'm saying that being unhappy because you don't have a man or you have one that disappoints you is a bad look. So, if for no other reason than vanity, you should stop it immediately.

You alone are and always will be responsible for your happiness.